This comprehensive article features advice from 40 sex therapists and marriage counselors on how couples in long-term relationships can revive their sexual desire for each other.
The experts address a common challenge: maintaining sexual intimacy when life’s responsibilities—work, children, stress, and financial concerns- get in the way.
Key Themes Across Experts:
Communication is Essential: Nearly all experts emphasize the importance of open, honest conversations about desires, needs, and expectations outside the bedroom before addressing sexual issues.
Emotional Connection First: Many therapists note that sexual problems often stem from emotional distance rather than physical issues, emphasizing the need to strengthen friendship and emotional intimacy.
Common Solutions Include:
- Scheduling intimate time (counterintuitively helpful)
- Sensate focus exercises and non-sexual touch
- Introducing novelty and breaking routines
- Self-care and stress management
- Exploring individual desires before sharing with a partner
- Dating each other again
- Addressing medical/hormonal factors
Ready to improve your sex life? Explore this comprehensive guide with advice from 40 relationship experts.
Dr. Robin Buckley’s Contribution
Dr. Robin Buckley challenges couples to examine why sex isn’t on their calendar, asking if it’s truly important to them and whether regular sex has positive benefits for their relationship and physical health.
This includes recognizing the role of sexual arousal and maintaining a fulfilling sex life as part of a healthy relationship.
Her primary recommendation is to schedule sex, despite the common objection that “it should be spontaneous” or concerns about making it “a chore.” Scheduling can also help partners rekindle sexual attraction and sustain a satisfying sexual life.
She points out that research shows couples’ sexual frequency decreases during midlife due to children, elderly parent care, and life stressors, making scheduling even more important for maintaining a strong sex drive.
Benefits of Scheduling Sex
Scheduling sex provides mental preparation in the days or hours leading up to the “calendar event,” with one client reporting he made different lunch choices on scheduled days to avoid feeling bloated, and another client ensuring she didn’t overschedule work to have time to decompress.
Rather than creating pressure, Dr. Buckley argues that scheduling sex allows couples to consistently make time for each other, consciously reduce distractions that might be obstacles, and ultimately make each other and their relationship a priority, increasing the success of their commitment and ensuring a more fulfilling sex life.
